Bilderberg Group plots domination at a gay resort in Spain

I have just discovered that a shadowy cabal of global luminaries, including Henry Kissinger, David Rockefeller, Prince Charles, Peter Mandelson, Lord Carrington, David Cameron, Queen Beatrix of Holland and the chairman of Barclays Bank, have been plotting to overthrow national governments and form a fascist one-world empire.

Going by the name of the Bilderberg Group, these puppet-masters made and broke the career of Margaret Thatcher, triggered the downfall of Slobodan Milosevic and, this year, are planning to bomb Iran.

Quite a big story, don’t you think? And yet no one here will take me seriously. Perhaps, as representatives of the capitalist media, they’re too busy planning world domination at Bilderberg’s annual conference, which is taking place this weekend at Hotel Dolce in Sitges, one of Spain’s most exclusive (and, incidentally, gayest) resorts. Watch our cryptic crossword for clues; the swallows are flying south for winter.

Dan Brown aside, conspiracy theories don’t come much bigger than this.