Climate scientists began a worldwide review of global warming theory on Thursday after reading reports about a 2006 encounter between Al Gore and a masseuse in Oregon.
The woman claimed in a statement to police that Gore had fondled and groped her during a massage. She described the former vice president as a giggling "crazed sex poodle" who gave her a "come hither" look before pouncing on her in a Portland hotel suite.
The alleged victim was a 54-year-old massage therapist at the luxury Hotel Lucia where Gore was staying on his trip to campaign for Oregon Gov. Ted Kulongoski. Gore -- who registered at the hotel under the name “Mr. Stone” -- ordered the $540 in-room massage for 11 p.m. through the hotel’s front desk.
Human Events _ and this is, indeed, a very human event _summarizes what is known about the 2006 heat wave as follows:
"When the experienced, licensed massage therapist arrived at Gore’s hotel room door, he embraced her.
“The hug went on a bit too long and I was a bit taken aback by it,” she told the police. “If it weren't Al Gore I would have seriously questioned the situation right there because a hug from an unknown male client before a session is a bit odd and unprofessional by typical LMT [Licensed Massage Therapist] business standards.”
The woman said Gore requested she massage his abdomen, and while she did, “he became somewhat vocal with muffled moans etc. he began demanding I go lower and massaging on the abdominal area.” She became “so freaked” that she “decided to clarify things by asking him as he angrily complained that I was not doing what he wanted, for him to show me exactly what he wanted me to do, such as where to massage.”
Then the former Vice President allegedly grabbed her hand and “shoved it down under the sheet to his pubic hair area… and said ‘There!’ in a very sharp, loud, angry-sounding tone.” She refused to perform a sexual act on him and pulled back her hand.
While she was packing up her massage table, Gore pursued trying to have sex with her. The woman says Gore physically attacked her by caressing her “buttocks and breasts” and “forced an open-mouth kiss” and “pressing his body” against her while wearing only a bathrobe.
She told the police that Gore insisted she sit on the bed and listen to the Pink song “Dear Mr. President.” Ironically, the alleged victim voted for Gore for President in 2000.
As she sat on the edge of the hotel bed, she said Gore “flipped me flat on my back and threw his whole body face down over atop me, pinning me down and outweighing me by quite a bit.” She had to “physically struggle and wrench around” to get out from under him” and refused Gore’s repeated attempts to have sex with her.
Finally, as she was at the hotel door, she told the police that “He pleaded, grabbed me, engulfed me in embrace, tongue kissed me, massaged me, groped my breasts and painfully squeezed my nipples through my clothing, pressed his pelvis against mine, rubbed my buttocks with his hands and fingers and rubbed himself against my crotch, saying, You know you want to do it.”
When she got home, the massage therapist noticed stains on the front of her black slacks which she thought could be “bodily fluids from Gore pushing up against me repeatedly” because “he had nothing on but his hotel issued terry robe with a belt to hold it closed.”
As news of the four-year-old heat wave spread through the tight-knit world community of climate scientists, there was general agreement that a reappraisal of global warming is in order.
"We really thought that greenhouse gases had formed a canopy over the world, trapping heat and resulting in a gradual rise in temperatures," said one scientist, who asked that he not be identified.
"Now, we realize that all of the increase in heat could have come from Al Gore. This puts an entirely new slant on the science."
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